Venus ‘n Mahs?

It never ceases to amaze me just how different men and women actually are. Stand-up comedians relish in it, and it’s no wonder….we are mechanically different and almost impossibly polarizing. It is quite something that we’ve been able to make evolution work as efficiently as we have.

Before I “start,” I have to say, blogging about Facebook makes me feel lame and insignificant. But you know what I’ve decided? Facebook is real life now, folks. Yessirry….RFL: real fucking life. Every company is making a Facebook page. The word “defriend” was added to the English dictionary this year. Declining bachelorette parties has never been simpler. And I’m pretty sure somewhere, somehow children have been birthed because of Jewish Extraordinaire himself, Mark Zuckerburg.

So anywho. Facebook got me thinking…

A good friend of mine posted a status update of a monologue from a comedy TV show. To me it was clearly NOT a Facebook rant, but apparently some of her other FB Friends thought she was serious. It probably didn’t help that the character’s mono was an ironic justification of her defending her male coworker that accidentally shot someone during a company hunting trip. (Parks & Recreation for ya.)

The Status:
“I got that tunnel vision that girls get..I let my emotions get the best of me..I cared too much..I was thinking with my lady parts…I thought there was gonna be chocolate…All I wanna do is have babies! I’m just going through a thing right now…This would not happen if I had a penis…Bitches be crazy! I’m good at …tolerating pain; I’m bad at math, and… I’m stupid.”

The Comments:

FRIEND 1: Girl, you are NOT stupid. Just remember: Jesus loves you and will always be there! <3

FRIEND2: Be proud of yourself and think good things and  good things will happen….and ur not bad at math, lol!

Nauseatingly nice, but nice nonetheless, right? Well, how about a sampling of how boys think?

Yesterday, boyfriend is working late. Out of character, he decides to fuck off on Facebook for a few minutes. Here’s how it went:

BOYFRIEND: Working late stinks. I’d much rather be _____.

FRIEND1: Watching my fantasy team in the playoffs……

FRIEND2: suckin your muthas granola flap

FRIEND3: watching monster garage….. monster, monster gararage!

FRIEND4: eating meatballs!!!!